Archive for the 'april fool's day' Category

How will Rick get his mojo back? - Anonymous letter sent to The Motor(less) City

Rumors have surfaced amidst speculation that Rick Wagoner, former General Motors Corp. Chairman and Chief Executive, is said to be “strongly considering” applying for a position as an unpaid intern with mo (www.lessismo.com), a marketing and creative services firm with offices in Oak Park, Michigan – a Detroit suburb.

An unconfirmed source close to Mr. Wagoner acknowledged earlier today: “Rick has admired the creative work of mo for years now, and he’s expressed very sincere interest in learning more about their internship programs - now that he is able to devote himself more fully to his creative and aesthetic impulses, he is anxious to explore the possibilities.”

That same undisclosed source continues: “Aside from their great work, Rick loves the companies’ name, mo – it reminds him of Motown; he fondly recalls the day when automobiles were made - right here - in Detroit! Cars that Americans coveted - bought and drove. He feels a strong connection with the ‘creative types’ as he calls them, and he now deeply regrets not having hired mo years ago. Wagoner believes that GM’s legacy of ill-conceived and poorly executed marketing programs and initiatives could have been avoided if mo had been on the job…” continues that same close source to the former CEO. “In retrospect, he [Rick] now believes that mo was the answer to GM’s prayers all along…and they were regrettably overlooked in lieu of larger institutional firms.”

A representative of mo issued this prepared statement: “We cannot comment on any conversations we may or may not have had to date with Mr. Wagoner about a position with mo. We adhere to a rigorous standard of excellence for all of our interns. Inclusion in our popular program is based solely on the merit of the individual’s application and the enthusiasm of each candidate, as well as any practical experience they may have in our industry. No exceptions will be made based on previous [CEO] status, race, gender, or ethnicity. Any candidate applying for an internship with us who does not meet our high expectations and standards will not be considered for inclusion, and Mr. Wagoner is no exception. We look forward to reviewing his completed application. And if indeed Mr. Wagoner is looking to get his mojo back, he has certainly come to the right place to find it.”

That same mo representative declined comment on the suggestion the small firm might have saved GM from financial ruin, but added:

“We all either drive Toyotas or we ride our bikes to work – everyone deserves reliable transportation.”

When asked about the recent developments with mo, an employee who asked to remain anonymous said that General Motors Corp. was preparing a statement indicating that it was ‘still reviewing’ the specifics of Wagoner’s compensation package with GM, but internal sources had suggested that an unpaid internship “may appear imprudent for Rick at this juncture given the devaluation of [his] severance package…”

Wagoner’s salary was rolled back in 2008 - his compensation was tied to the company’s stock performance, which has declined significantly since he took the helm of the floundering automotive company. He agreed to accept a salary of $1 for 2009 as part of the automaker’s restructuring plan. Wagner is rumored to be found regularly roaming the halls of the GM headquarters, quietly repeating to himself, “I need to learn a trade…some sort of skill. Maybe graphics. Maybe house painting.”

Rick Wagoner has served as CEO for almost nine of the 32-years he has been employed with General Motors.

Mr. Wagoner was not available for comment.

Detroit, Michigan - The best place to live in 2008!

detroit_april_fools.jpg

Well Money Magazine came out with their best places to live a little early this year, and lo and behold, Detroit finally came out on top! Managing editor, Eric Schurenberg, stated that while Detroit’s top ranking may surprise some, or actually everyone, it’s actually about time Detroit’s great economic potential, and low housing prices, combined with a top notch educational system, city services, and healthy lifestyle were recognized by the industry leading publication.

The responses on the streets were mixed. Some always knew Detroit was the best place to live. Northwest Detroit resident, Scott Smarthers, said, “I’ve always loved Detroit, but it’s gotten such a bad rap in the media. Everyone thinks it’s a bad place.”, stated Scott Smarthers, as he installed three of The Club, anti theft devices, and armed his cars security system, in front of his Northwest Detroit home.

With residences going for as low as $1300, the nations worst unemployment, and what has been called a “one state recession” going on for several years, many area residents feel the area has nowhere to go but up. A resident named Christine, but who failed to give a last name, said, “with our low cost of living, and our highly regarded mayor, who really knows how to lead, we’re just about to be discovered.”

Some other Detroit headlines include:
Detroit Sold For Scrap
Detroit Tourism Board’s ‘Hidden Detroit’ Campaign
Detroit Burned Down For The Insurance Money
Inner-City Community Bands Together To Find Missing Parent
A Strongly Worded Pronouncement